Microagression

I froze when the waitress asked “together or separate.”

Because here we were not just with your coworkers

but your employees.

And it took me back to Northern Michigan.

To a blue collar bar with wood paneling,

ancient crackling neon sign for Pabst Blue Ribbon

before the hipsters claimed it.

The bar was

haunted by spirits

When they banned smoking

I could smell them: the alcohol absorbed into the wood;

ghosts of brawls passed.

Took me back to her

the woman I only saw once a week

in this dimly lit bar my hand around her waist

her fingers uncurling from mine

letting go of my hand

leaning in to my ear and whispering

over the off key whaling of some drunk woman’s rendition

of the Dixie Chicks

“That’s my recruiter and his wife. Act straight.”

Together and separate.

Because it’s okay to be underaged in a bar

drinking with your boss

but not out with your girlfriend

It’s subtle.

It’s a mindset.

I guess I thank god, if god can even hear me

it’s not open bashing in the streets

But like maybe it would be better if it were

because it’s being introduced as a “friend”

it’s a short nod then a long stare at the floor at the sort-of-gay bar

making note not to mention it Monday

it’s wondering if this conversation with a baker would be over

if I asked for a wedding cake

it’s hearing other people’s “opinion” about civil rights

it’s cool though. They have Gay Friends

they just believe the “sanctity” of divorce and remarriage should be reserved for heterosexuals.

It’s wondering why “Religious Freedom” doesn’t mean freedom from the religious.

Because I’ve never been in a relationship with a woman on Facebook.

Because in Michigan it’s complicated.

Because we’ve always been together and separate.

How I worried every time my fiancee walked home passed the biker bar

after midnight to our studio apartment with no heat

to our twin bed we shared wrapped so tightly together

against the Michigan cold

that was more than just the weather

I stayed awake until she came curled up alone the tiny bed waiting

wishing on my frozen breath

that she would make it home

that no redneck would decide she

looked like a freak

a tranny

a fucking dyke

I always forget how gay it is in Iowa.

Like I thought it was to be out, wasn’t actually out until I got here.  

Like Michigan is a microaggression.

Like I envy you for growing up in the middle of nowhere Iowa

and that shouldn’t make any sense.

I never met a waitress who gave her opinion on marriage equality

I never had a coworker say children need a mother and a father

Because in Michigan you get to pick god or gay.

How weird it is to meet gays of the faith in Iowa

because don’t you know we exist in the shadow of god’s hand?

angels with clipped wings

so we can’t fly home

like making the decision to have either jesus or a woman in your mouth

is really a fair choice

because

come on

How the first gay couple to be married in Northern Michigan

was told not to sing during mass

and to sit outside the church

don’t even breath the same air as the faithful

because apparently god couldn’t even listen to them

let alone invite them to the table.

But that same church let a priest who raped a woman

continue to take communion.

because at least he raped a woman.

because raping women is at least biblically sound,

haven’t you read Judges?

“They knew and abused them all night”

How a woman I knew from church came up to me and

introduced her girlfriend as her “friend”

and I felt it where I feel it now,

cold and in the pit of my stomach

deep down like Superior.

The soul is together and separate.

Compartmentalized.

How I saw a peer at Andrea Gibson

she turned cold the way Michigan snow storms come on suddenly

and frost everything overnight

for a week.

And I wondered why she never mentioned

seeing a poet when we talked all the time about poets

because in Southwest Michigan you can’t throw a rhyme

without catching a poet square in the jaw

Then I realized.

She thought I would out her.

Together and separate.

How it wasn’t just a poet

How sometimes our coworkers would talk about being against gay marriage.

like there were sides

like it was a Michigan vs State game

except no one was supposed to get upset

like the 300 couples woke up and found their marriages void

like “they never happened”

like wow

what did you do last night after the game?

Let’s clean up this mess

before god sees.